I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now