I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
23 People Have Step Parents That Are Younger Than Them
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.