i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning