My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough