i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.