no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Everclear isn't food dammit
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
