I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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