Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Randomize
