I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
