I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
