So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Randomize
