My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
