My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
