Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
