He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
