Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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