My liver just broke up with me...
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
