so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
