at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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