Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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