it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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