I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
