areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
In other news, I just burned my penis
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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