Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize