how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
You need Xanax blowdarts
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
