I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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