My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
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