just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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