Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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