I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Randomize
