I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Randomize
