Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Enjoy the penises
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
