i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
