the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
