We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Randomize
