he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
