I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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