My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
