cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
