i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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