My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
