Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
