so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
