i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
