He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
