So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize