I can't watch pbs sober anymore
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
