When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
