He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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