His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
