I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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