have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
