I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
