He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize