Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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