So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
