4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
