so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
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