Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
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you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
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High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
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